DELTONA BONA FIDE

COMMENTARY

What Happened to Civility in America?

Doug Horn

January 25, 2007

A citizen was recently ejected from a Commission meeting in Deltona. The scene wasn't what you would call a community-building moment.

Was it fair? Should it have been handled differently? Those questions are subjects of other dissertations.

The event itself, however, causes one to wonder.

What happened to the era of people treating each other with respect?

What happened to men being gentlemen and ladies being ladies?

When did we forget how to disagree without being disagreeable?

What happened to that great quality that separates us from animals - civility?

I remember growing up that my father taught us to open doors for ladies. Assist the ladies in and out of the car and treat them with respect. (Yes dear, I know that some of this failed to rub off on me.)

According to my mother, my father’s good manners at one time were the topic of a family conversation. The assumption had always been that he was so well-mannered because he was an Officer in the U.S. Navy. That was until mom explained that Dad was well-mannered not because he had to be - he wanted to be.

Regardless of your background, your job or your station in life there has been one or more times in your life when you wore a suit and tie. Perhaps you did this to attend church, pay your respects at a funeral of a friend or loved one. Maybe you wore a suit for a job interview. No matter the occasion, the suit was worn out of respect.

We wore jeans to work and play, but slacks and nice shirts to school and to be seen in public. T-shirts? Something you wore under your shirt.

Things have changed as I have aged, and maybe I have become more conservative as I’ve grown older. After all, I was one of a group of students fighting for the right to wear shorts to school.

That said - as much as I like to see new things, it's clear that not all change is good.

Here are some things I’d like to see “roll-back” to what my memory now tells me was a better way of thinking:

Be quiet in the library.
Don’t talk during the movie.
Before joining a movie or meeting, set your cell phone to quiet mode.
If you forget to turn your phone off in a movie or a meeting and it rings, TURN OF THE RINGER right away and do not answer it. Quietly exit the room or theater to return the call.
Men, open the door for the ladies. (Yes dear, I am reading what I’m writing.)
Ladies, liberated or not, let the man open the door. It’s not an insult, it’s a sign of respect.
Men: hats off inside.
Men: you have a waist. It’s there to hold your pants up. Use it. Get a belt while you’re at it.
Drivers, the right lane is for slow traffic. If everyone’s passing you MOVE OVER.
EVERYONE has an attitude. We’re only interested in good ones.
A certain amount of respect comes with every position. Beyond that it must be earned, not demanded.
Clean up behind yourself.
The trash in your car does not belong on the streets.
Yes sir, no sir, yes m’am, and no m’am are still effective at showing proper respect.
Chew your food with your mouth closed.
Don’t talk with food in your mouth.

I could go on, but you get the point. A return to civility could resolve a lot of issues in America.

Doug Horn is a former Commissioner and Vice Mayor of Deltona and can be reached at dhorn@deltonabonafide.com

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